i went to the mall today, the last weekend before Christmas.

i resisted the urge to murder anyone

thus, i rock.

"Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-- points of light and reason. ...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

Does a love like this exist?

mandibular third molar extraction and jaw reconstruction surgery baseline

[this blog will be updated via baseline procedure]


Movies Watched:
Love Guru, (fell asleep twice, was OK but obviouslly not great)
Definetly Maybe, (OK movie, but rather dissipointing)
About to watch "The Onion" a movie based on the newspaper available in the Madison area, I did not know this film existed, but will update you after I watch it.
Enchanted kinda corny... rented it because Patrick Dempsey was in it... computer battery died before I saw the ending, but that was OK with me
The Onion Movie, HILARIOUS! Meds kicked in and I passed out before finishing it, but I'd rent it again.
Don't Mess with a Zohan, rented it but never watched it...

Side notes:
*There is never enough blue moon ice cream
*liquids are not as filling as the snacky solids I keep seeing on TV
*It's been 6 days and I am still in so much pain... last night I took vicodin and muscle relaxers and laid in a ball in my bed until I passed out, I can't wait for this to be over.

inital post: 2:37pm
updated: 8:27pm
updated: 12:33pm 11/16

October 23rd was Sammy's birthday. He would have been 15 years young. I truly lost my best friend.

no one likes bananas

It's pretty obvious, no one enjoys the bananas in the runts pack. Yet they seem to constitue at least 75% of the bag. Dosn't seem like a good marketing sceme to me. Tonight I realized even more of these yellow blobs in my bag, only this time it wasn't just bananas, it was pineapples also.

taking my own sweet time

i have no idea what to do, or where to go next. everything is unraveling.

i will always love you

dollar menu gold medal

Olympic athletes have extremely strict regulated diets and schedules. They do not eat big macs. The McDonald's commercials piss me off.

duh...

Now I'm as sick of hearing about the whole Brett Farve crap as the next person, but come on... what the hell were the Packers thinking? I understand why they were leery to bring Brett back after he retired, etc... I get that, I do. But really, you don't trade a legend. You just don't, that's stupid. Trading Brett Farve to the N.Y Jets is like The U.S.A trading Michael Phelps to China.

ngi ne themba

If I'm gone when you wake up,
please don't cry.
And if I'm gone when you wake up,
please don't sigh.
Don't look back at this time as a time
of heartbreak and distress,
remember me, remember me
'cause I'll be with you in your dreams.

But If I'm gone when you wake up,
please don't cry.
And if I'm gone when you wake up,
please dont sigh

Don't look back at this time,
as a time of heartbreak and distress
remember me, remember me,
'cause I'll be with you in your dreams.



Oh, don't cry, I'm with you,
don't sigh, I'm by your side.


And though my flesh is gone,
I'll still be with you at all times.
And although my body's gone,
I'll be there to comfort you at all times

But If I'm gone when you wake up,
please don't cry.
And if I'm gone when you wake up,
please dont sigh.

Don't look back at this time
as a time of heartbreak and distress

Remember me, remember me
'cause I'll be with you.
I'll be with you in your dreams.
Oh, I'll be with you
Oh I'll be with you in your dreams
I'll be with you I'll be with you

I don't want you to cry and weep,
I want you to go on living your life
I'm not sleeping an endless sleep,
'Cause in your heart
you have all of our good times.

I'll be with you in your dreams...

are you in?

in the spirit of being spontaneous, my annabelle and i went and got tattoos this afternoon. it was a joyful experience. I am reminded of how much i love us.

There should be a prerequisite for playgrounds, a swing set and slide should be mandatory. A mary-go-round and teeter totters would come in as a close third and fourth, but other equipment, monkey bars, jungle gym, sand box, are optional. Regardless, a slide... and swing set, should always be required.

I shouldn't care

but I just want to cry.

annabelle

i look at the artwork you have compiled and my breath is taken with admiration. i am in awe to be in contact with such form, with such accomplishment, with such beauty. i look at you and i can't believe what an outstanding woman you have come to be. from muddy foot prints after afternoon swarares in the rain, my friend- how you've grown. you're passion, you're talent, you're potential has blossomed into such masterpieces that i am certain the world will never be the same. they say a picture says a thousand words, but you're render me speechless.

poor advertising

So I saw this add online, a few times actually, but I can't get over how absurd it is. Look at that dude's eyebrows, seriously. Not to mention he's scrawny as fuck and has the hairstyle of a Hanson brother... back in 1998! By no means does this add entice me to purchase from the company what so ever.

Noni

"The Noni is said to improve energy to promote a happier, more positive outlook." (Snapple) Can a snapple really improve my depression? I endludged in the fruit juice, but am unsure if my attitude was altereted.

Recently I've been closer with more male friends than female. I don't mind this. I rather enjoy it. However, no matter how "low mantiance, cool chick, one of the guys" kinda girl I am...
a) I'd still like to be appreciated as a woman
b) It hurts my feelings when you exclude me because "I don't have a penis"
Is this an oxymoron?

for holly

There are few people I can genuinely say that I admire. Holly, is one of those people. I admire Holly for many reasons, but she is not perfect, and that is another. I admire those who have the courage to stand up for what they believe in. I admire those who have the courage to shut up and listen. I admire those who read. Who think, who write, who consider. I admire those who call in sick to work for a "mental health" day. I believe in the power of a milk crate of scrapbook supplies and an hour of HDTV. I strive to wear moccasins. (though I'd enjoy them more if they didn't make my feet reek for a week) I admire those who recycle, who send their calls straight to voice mail. I admire those who take time just to exist. I admire those who take pictures, I admire those who notice. I admire Holly.

dog diaries 101

I'm ober excited; my Roonie baby was able to sleep with me for the first time last night. He is notoriously a horrid chewer, and I had been wanted to clean out my room of anything that might possibly interest/tempt him so that he would be able to sleep with me. In the past he has slept in the kennel next to my bed, which he loves. Well, I had been dog sitting for a friend so when I returned last night I just said screw it and let him be loose (limited to my room only). There was possibly the most junk in my room ever, since I had been gone and my family used it as a dumpster. Anyway, he did FANTASTIC! Not a single thing chewed or destroyed, he didn't pee on anything, or take a dump in my room. It was amazing, and I'm so happy it was a success! =] I love my moosie!

fat is happy.

what would happen if...

i discontinued my subscription to graduate school,
joined rehab for resident care workers
drank wild berry bellinis all day long
and napped in the sunshine?

enticing, eh?

a sunday night blog

i would like to live on the beach... not ON the beach, but safely near by. I could sell homemade crafts, perhaps framed photography. I would live with my dogs, drink fruity cocktails and follow my insticts day by day. I'd avoid a schedule at any costs, wake up when I was finished sleeping, eat when I was hungry. This is how I wish I things were. But they are far from a secluded scancuary on the beach.

*photos i've taken, places i've been.

I am wearing moccasins. That is all.

que que na to ra

I was talking with my Grandmother today, who shall turn 80 this July, and she was telling me about a few women in her social network who bother her. She told me she’s nearly 80 and she shouldn’t have to spend time with people she doesn’t even like. I completely agree, of course… but her comment caused me to wonder. She’s 80 and still worrying about what people think and hurting others feelings. Now I don’t think we shouldn’t care about others, but I’d hope by 80 I’d be able to do what I want without worrying about what other people think. Because of this, I am going to put an effort into doing what feel, and being who I feel like being at any particular time. If that means wearing moccasins, then I’ll wear moccasins. As sad as it is to think about being 80 and still worrying about what others think of the unimportant details of my life, it is equally frightening to think of waiting until I’m 80 to stop caring.

estes park

The view from here is amazing.

Amber Alert

I've added Amber Alerts to my Blackberry. It is a free program and can be added to any wireless number. You simply sign up and will recieve Amber Alerts via text messages. Here's the link if anyone is interested: https://www.wirelessamberalerts.org/index.jsp . It seems pretty easy and painless, but I really think it's an awesome idea.

Sure, I can do that.

I have a serious issue saying no to people... I'll litterly bend over backwards to make things more convient for others, regardless of how it affects me. But latley I have been feeling so unappreciated and it sucks. I bit the bullet and said no to someone the other day, and I immedtly felt awful, I know I need to work on being more assertive and putting myself first but its so hard. It is just extremly difficult, I realize I am not perfect by and means, but I would like to think I am a generally goodhearted individual. So it sucks to give and give and give, and then get shit on. It's not like I expect anything in return, but it would be nice to feel like I have someone who would help me out in a jam, espicially after all of the things I've done for others.

Rent?

I'm looking for a place to rent that accepts dogs... I have a 14 year old cocker spaniel and a 1 and a half year old Golden Retriever. Both are very well behaved. I'm willing to pay pet rent, but am unable to find a place that will accept dogs. If anyone knows of a place, please contact me. I would be interested in either the Waupaca area or Appleton area.

Earth Day

So I had every intention of planting a tree for Earth Day, but... it rained, and I went shopping, and well... It's always easier to say you'll drop some seeds in the soil than to actually get your hands dirty. So what I did instead was...

#1) purchased a "Feed Bag" which is: "The FEED bag is designed to raise awareness and funds for hungry children and to help them get into school and out of hunger. Each FEED bag sold will provide a school year of meals for one child in need and give them the hope of an education and a regular meal. Whether you tote your FEED bag to school, work, play, or shop, remember that your bag helped to FEED and educate one child for one school year. “(more information can be found at: http://www.tomsshoes.com/ProductDetails.aspx?CategoryID=11&productID=35) TOMS is a shoe company that matches every pair of shoe purchased, and donates a pair to those in need in Africa. I strongly suggest checking it out, if you have time and/or extra change. I know it can be kind of expensive, but the way I look at it... I easily drop that much on a trip to Target or filling up my gas tank, why not make a difference?

#2) Donated to TWLOHA... TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms) is a non-profit organization to prevent suicide/depression/cutting, etc. The story behind it can be found here... http://www.twloha.com/the_story.php

So I know neither of these things we're really all about hugging trees and kissing rainbows, but the way I figure it, we're just as much a part of the Earth as the oceans and sky. So why not help out each other? Anyway, I'm not going to go all hippie crazy talk on you. Just thought I'd share some honorable organizations with you.

BTW... I'll be walking for Autism Awareness this weekend in Neenah if anyone is interested in stopping by, feel free to e-mail me, it should be a good time.

10,000 sperm and you were the quickest

What’s up with news stations interviewing the most backwoods people they can find? I just saw a segment on a power outage in Green Bay and the woman they interviewed was missing half her teeth but managed to pull her salt and pepper mullet into a pony. Good thing I turned into the news, because her take on the story… “It woke up dwag up!” Reporters later informed me bar patrons socialized by candle light.

On another note… just because it’s April, and the snow has turned to slush does not warrant you permission to walk down town in your juicy sweat pants and slutty tank tops. If your who hang is hanging out, it’s time to put some clothes in. No one wants to see your pasty white crack addict body flaunting your Mother Theresa shaped mole.

Put clothes on, brush your teeth before the TV interview and turn off NASCAR. That is all.

$800 phone + $280/mo bill + $600 activation fee = coporate america

So I’ve made my next big purchase… The BlackBerry World Edition. Now I’ve only had the phone for about an hour, but it seems nice overall. However… there is no camera. I almost shit a brick at the cell store when the sales rep informed me of this. How the hell can the highest end cell not have such a common and now basic feature? It is like a Mercedes Benz without airbags. I am sure as soon as my trial period is over the BlackBerry will come out with an updated version that includes the camera. In that case, I will be glad I have taken out the insurance policy, as my cell may accidently become stolen.

P.S. the douche at Alltel told me it only came in black, but now that I went to the BlackBerry site to get a picture for my blog, I notice it is also available in red and silver. What a fucktard.

could i be a bigger dork?

as you may or may not know, i love dyson vacuums... there is something about seeing all the nasty shit that turns me on. i've had the opportunity to use dyson's several times, and i have always found it quite fulfilling. how dorky is that? i know, i know... but you just can't see how much shit is in bags, and the no loss of suction sales pitch really enticed me. while i have always been excited about dysons, i've never actually owned one. until today! i am now the proud owner of the dyson dc14 full kit. after brining it home i vacuumed the living room, which was pretty clean to begin with, and the entire container was full of pet hair. it's quite the exciting investment. =]

fed up with the set up

so while i try to ignore the majority of banter the middle aged soccer moms spew during my night classes, i was rather annoyed by a verbal out burst of dierahia in tonights class. this woman was complaing about the economy and how the government supports people. she was irate with the idea that the government would allow individuals to retire by providing minimal finanical aid. now, i honestly consider myself moderate. i usually find myself in middle grown, but her ignornat comment pissed me off. i'm not suggesting that the government support its people 110% and allow for everyone to sit around and play wii, but what's so wrong with a little help now and then? i'd personally rather my money go towards my fathers retirement than to the death of soliders in iraq.

bait and switch

it takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you believe in, and speak up when something is wrong. it also takes a lot of strength to keep your mouth shut. as they say, "blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground". so a few weeks back i entered to win a year membership to a well known gym, recently i was contacted and informed that i had won a vip membership to that facility for a year. after playing phone tag for quite some time the gentleman assured me that he would get me in "the best shape of my life" right... so i woke up early this morning and made the track to Appleton to check out the place. as you may imagine they attempted to sucker me into signing a contract with unlimited amount of hidden fees and dues. so i took the high road, filled out the contract and went to my car to get my credit card, where i then locked my doors and drove off. i later called the place and let them know i would not be signing up for the contact. this simply story brings me to a mach larger aspect of my personality. while i did "run away" from the problem, i realize how much i value honesty. a co-worker and close friend of mine recently commented that i don’t put up with shit, and in a way it’s true. i don't understand why we must pretend so much. just because i don't care for you, doesn’t mean i am going to deliberately be mean to you. i'll be pleasant, but i'm not going to go out of my way to pretend we're best buds. i'd rather be real than deal with all this fake glitter of high fives and hyper handshakes. the "personal trainer" (questionable to say the least) attempted to give me a high five at the gym this morning and commented that i didn't seem energetic. i told him i thought he was hokey. that people can be committed and excited without being fake. his face looked as if i had run over his week old kitten. but it's true. i believe a lot more can be accomplished if we avoid the bullshit and get down to the real stuff.

learning to say no

when people ask, "what do you do in your free time", i struggle with a creative answer. yes, i enjoy to travel and take photos. i also tend to be crafty and often scrapbook among other artistic revenues. however, when it really comes down to "free time" i'm limited as to what i actually do. free time for me typically consists of sleeping, napping, or trying to cram more things into the day. i love playing with my dogs, but this needs to be done, regardless if i have free time to do it... i have graduate school, i work a stressful job for a minimum of forty hours a week, and i commute, a lot. so when i have a minute or two, i enjoy doing nothing.

something has to give, but i'm just not sure what. i would love to have a day off, without using it to cram everything i don’t have time into one eight hour day. yesterday was my "day off" (of work) so i woke up early, cleaned the house, did six loads of laundry, walked the dog, got my oil changed, got the dogs licensed, mailed a package, went to the bank, all before my six pm night class, which of course i needed to commute to. (did i mention monday's "off" still mean i have rounds from 2:30-3:30, which requires me to drive to work?)

i would like to have time to... learn to play the piano, read a book for leisure, create a photography portfolio, and explore my hobbies and interest. but whenever i get a moment or two of free time, i am usually two exhausted to do anything.

so how is one to make time, with no time?

it's suppose to warm up...

I'm so sick of people bitching about the snow. It's Wisconsin. What do you expect? If anything, the recent amount of snowfall should remind us how much global warming has affected winters of the recent past. I'm not claiming to love the ice and slush and enjoy winter driving, but I don't dwell and complain about it. I think people don't actually distain the weather as much as they enjoy having something to complain about. It seems like any common chit chat has turned to complaints about the weather to merely fill empty time. I'd prefer silence.

There is a Moose in my house!

I'd like to introduce you to the newest guy in my life! His name is Max, or Roonie, and recently even Moose. He's a 16 month old golden retriever, and after having co-custody of him for the past year, he has official made the leap from outside wanderer to inside garbage disposal.

I still have my one and only, Sammy... and Charlie the tenant, but they both seem to be adjusting to the addition quite well. Charlie no longer hisses at Roonie, but rather tolerates him, and Sammy plays with him when their in the snow and avoid getting trampled on while their in the house. I have only had Moose for three days but over the short time have taught him to: lay down, high five and shake (he already knew how to sit). So I am pretty impressed with how fast he is learning.

While it isn't the best photography, I've tagged the following photo to give a better idea as to how humongo Max-a-Roonie really is. This was taken this evening in our kitchen, he is sitting next to Sammy (my cocker spaniel) and I left the baby gate and kitchen cupboards in the picture for scale.

if you havn't been there, you should go.

Post Secret rocks, if you havn't checked it out yet... you should: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ . I visit it every Sunday, and typically a few times through out the week. I rescently purchased the first book of the series, and I can't wait to get the rest. That is all.

2008 presidential election

So I pretty much have no idea who to vote for… it’s rather frustrating actually, I feel upset that I don’t know. Like I’m obligated to know… not that it even makes a difference since everyone says the same bull shit and no one really does anything anyway. I took a quiz on http://www.speakout.com/VoteMatch/Senate2006.asp#sec0 and the results surprised me… but even after that my highest match was 43% with a candidate… so that’s still 57% oil and water. I know it’s important to vote, and I will- but I’m getting the point where I feel like it doesn’t even matter anymore.

naps and snacks

i went to the gym today, i walked on the treadmill, did a few stair steps and did water aerobics. i am pretty happy with myself. however, now i am home and i have a few hours before i have to go to work. i would like to: eat, sleep, shower. in that order. i could eat: cheetos, cheese cake, cheese curds, olive garden salad, carmel peacan silk supreme pie, chicken strips, nachos... i could sleep afterwards and hybernate like a bear cub until i have to go to work. i realize that this is not the best decision, to make, for my health... espicially since i made a good decison to work out, actually... maybe it isnt as bad since i did work out, but either way i shouldn't eat these items, but i would like to. perhaps i will nap instead.

Whitening Toothpaste

What constitutes “whitening” toothpaste? It seems that almost every kind has the name attached in some way/shape/form. Doesn’t baking soda pretty much cover it? I mean, in general… shouldn’t brushing your teeth alone do some sort of minimal whitening? Isn’t that the overall intention, to clean the crap off your teeth? I realize some toothpastes may have more “whitening” agents, but could I use my t-shirt and finger to scrape the film off my teeth and develop a marketing scheme to advertise the method as “whitening”? Whitening has become so over abundant than I am questioning the basic qualifications as a whole.

classic nickelodeon

I purchased season one and two of "The Adventures of Pete and Pete" today on Amazon. If you are unaware, Pete and Pete is a show that aired on Nickelodeon in the early 90's and is hilarious. From what I can recall it consists of two red haired brothers and their daily lives. Within the show, Little Pete has a tattoo of "Petunia" which is a woman in a red dress who can be made to dance on Pete’s arm. Little Pete also has a personal super hero, Artie, The Strongest Man in the World. Pretty much the show is just hilarious, as I mentioned before. I strongly recommend anyone who is in need of a good laugh, to check it out. In fact, I'd even be willing to share my DVD's once they arrive. Which, if everything goes according to plan, should be February 4th. I am keeping my fingers crossed in hopes that the show will have a rating that will allow me to take it to work for the kids to watch. All in all, it was a great investment, I am hoping.

However, I do have one issue with internet purchases. Amazon.com has saved my credit card information, which has allowed me to purchase items with extremely little effort. In fact, I know for certain that if I had to search for me credit card and actually go through the effort of locating it and entering it into the site, I would 98% of the time not purchase the items I have stumbled across on the website. So kudos to you Amazon, for your superior marking skills which have caused me to make so many useless and regrettable purchases.

living the dream

So I was at work for approximately twenty minutes this afternoon when one of the kids called me into the bathroom and informed me that his penis was bleeding. Apparently beating your dick like it owes you money isn’t the best idea after all. Well the evening progresses, as it tends to do… and after a few typical racial slurs and half a dozen “fucking skank” comments, I found myself outside of the QR. (For those of you who aren’t familiar with treatment facilities the QR can be compared to the “padded room” in a psych ward) Well I suppose it isn’t enough entertainment to be locked a 5x7 linoleum room, but it sure is a hoot to take defecate and smear it all over the walls, window and ceiling. Which brings me to the question at hand… How did I get to this point in my life? I think it’s a pretty ligament question. I mean, I went to college, I got the degree… but somehow, nowhere in my five year plan did I intend on scraping shit off of walls.